Saturday 15 November 2008

admiration,intimidation and expectations.

emotions,they amaze.how can we feel such strong feelings for people and things and objects,inanimate objects.places,lights,songs?my favourite feelings are the abstract ones.the ones we cannot describe.love.hate,etc.are these feelings even real?as,most of us only experience them on a short-lived basis.we fall in and out of love,hate,lust.so,the question i pose is how can a feeling be a true feeling if it does not last?at one point you may feel and truly believe you are in love with a person.maybe society just tells us that we must love.it is wrong not to be in love.in a negative view,couldn't we all do without love?the hassle,the time,the money?maybe if we all focused on our careers,goals,wants, we would surely be better off?but reader,love makes the world go round.we love to be loved,yes.the thing i cannot grasp is the fake sentiment.we don't need it,yet we do.the human race constantly needs reassuring that they are...okay.attractive.wanted.yes?that's just human nature.so maybe we need love.maybe it is just a given that we will fall in love.with people,places,things,any things.i have fallen in love with the true sentiments.the words and the actions of many.this city has opened my eyes,to many things.back home,too much time was spent chasing people who could only care of themselves,their new haircut,their pathetic personal traumas.i had real things to sort out,deal with.fear.i have experienced more in the last fortnight than i have in the past two years.more joy,smiles,laughter,moments.the moments that you lust after,that you forced others to create before.i can be me here,without being pulled back.dragged down.i felt my life was mapped out.now i'm glad it isn't.i used to love the control and the knowing.now i love the spontaneity,the certain uncertainties.we know.they've made me realise.all the words said.what is a year wasted when it could have been more?in the scheme of things,"it's a good situation"-he always says."it is not hard to be nice,grace".no,but it is hard to be sincere.and that is a quality i will just have to adapt to,the compliments.one thing to remember,never let things run away.you must not live life like you are in a film,as life does not work in that way.but we must never fall into the trap of accepting life how it is.we all have the power to change things.i know that more than most right now.we do not have to stick with how things are.we can be gazing out on any skyline.what is stopping us?we can go anywhere,do anything.boundaries,yes,but willpower and trying shows results.we say,leeds is just a stop gap in the life plan.it is,a deightful one,but a stop gap nonetheless.we'll find other views,other people and places.but we'll never forget the ones we've experienced.the words uttered and the lessons learned.they stay with you forever.i was sure of what i wanted,what was going to happen,how things would play themselves out,my thoughts,my feelings,my moral stances.what is wrong with change?i embrace it.without change i would not have my beloved flat 74 view.those so highly valued people.the in-jokes.the fun,the joy,the smiles.the...l-o-v-e.x

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